The List

I did it. 

Last night, I sat down with my journal (and mom) and physically wrote out MY List. You know, girls. THE List of THE things you want/need in your "future husband". It seems pretty strange to dream and speculate about him, though. Being so young, I struggled with whether or not it was appropriate. For so long, I even thought I was never going to get married at all! 

One of the first things I ever learned when I was a toddler (and yes, we DO have this on video) was whenever my daddy would ask me, "What will daddy do if you get a boyfriend?" I would reply, "Kick me out of the house." At family parties or whenever we had company, my daddy would excitedly present this little dialogue to all the guests as entertainment, and they would laugh and laugh. I guess he never realized that I internalized this little joke as truth. Having always been "daddy's little princess," my daddy had always been protective - even greeting my prom date while cleaning his gun! Inevitably as a teenager, boys would come around with telephone calls, letters, valentines, etc., but my daddy always told me that although it was natural for boys to like me and even for me to like boys, having a formal, actual boyfriend was completely out of the question. All the while, I could not understand why my he commanded that I wait.

The pressure was always immense - beginning in middle school. At this time of out-of-control hormones, almost all my friends had gotten their first boyfriends. Typically, in our traditional Filipino culture, parents are extremely strict about boys, but my friends had theirs anyway. They would hide and sneak against their parents wishes, even encouraging me to do the same. Known as the nerdy "smart girl", physically gawky, and awkward, not having a boyfriend made me feel even more left out. One of my most hurtful experiences was when I was "asked out" by one of the cocky, popular bad boys. I said no. Rejection was something he wasn't used to, so he spread a rumor that I did so because I was a lesbian. I felt enraged, misunderstood, and was so tempted to find any boy and date him - just to prove him wrong! However, I ended up just letting it go, and the less I reacted, the less of an issue people made it. But nonetheless, I was scarred.

As I got older, I found out the more traditional rules of dating - or rather "not dating" - in Filipino culture. Typically, when a guy is interested in a girl, he stays around for a long time. At any inkling of interest, he basically meets and courts the entire family - buying them gifts, helping around the house, eating meals with them, and spending most of his time with the girl and her family. Family time replaces dates, and the title "special/best friend" replaces "boyfriend." However, because he is not technically "the boyfriend," it is possible for other guys to be coming around and doing the same. You can imagine how confusing that would get! Now that I think about it, the guy is at such a disadvantage, obligated to do so much and spend so much for a family he may not even end up being tied to. Probably the biggest example for me is my parents, who dated for seven years before they got married, never being able to spend any time alone. Their courtship was really sweet, though. 

As I got older, guys came around me and my family, but after immense prayer and strong convictions, the Lord revealed something to me. He said, "Not yet." And I had a hard time responding. I never realized how selfishly I had kept the romance aspect of my life away from God. I never really lifted my want of a "future husband" up to Him. I had always believed I would find him myself, or I would be the one to shape him myself. But the Lord revealed to me that I was going about it the wrong way, with the wrong attitude. Through my different experiences, I learned so very much, and more importantly, I realized how much more I myself need to learn, grow, and foster my divine relationship with my Father first. 

I love how Dr. Tony Evans puts it: God blesses each of us with our own garden - our own individual sphere that we ourselves are called to grow and cultivate. When it was just Adam, he rejoiced in the Garden of Eden, in close fellowship with God, growing and cultivating the garden. The Lord was all Adam needed. Then, when the Lord - not Adam - felt it was time, He created Eve. Basically, "Adam didn't go looking for someone God hadn't made yet." And isn't that the truth! In a society that stresses that you get married and settle down right away, it becomes so easy to do just that: settle. 

As I wrote out my list, I remembered that the most important thing was to dedicate The List to God. Sure, it's easy for young girls to dream of their prince charming, but what good is a prince charming, when he isn't following the King?

I was so scared that my list would be exhaustive - that I would be too specific and too picky,and  that it would be impossible to find someone who fulfilled every single one of the things I needed and wanted. However, when I actually got to it, I only had 10 descriptions. I hope that doesn't mean I have low standards! But I really want God to be creative and surprise me. To think, He has created a man just for me, and is currently growing and molding him, with all these intricate facets that will match me perfectly! At the same time, the Lord is growing, shaping, and making me into the woman that he deserves. I can't help but be excited! Just as my earthly father loves and is protective over me, even more so is my Heavenly Father, as He wants me to be patient until He brings me the One - my One - after God's own heart. 

It will be quite a while until I get married or settle down, and I know that I have tons time. However, I think I learned a valuable lesson that all young women should know and recognize: When looking for your prince charming, find one who loves God - even more than he loves you. One who has a calling from the Lord, and serves him with all his heart, mind, soul, body, and spirit. Though these princes are becoming more and more rare in today's society, they are definitely worth waiting for. I guess daddy was right after all.

"How beautiful the radiant bride, who waits for her groom, with His light in her eyes..."

- "How Beautiful" by Twila Paris

Daddy's Little Girl

Today's addition to the Happy List:
157. Trampoline at Pedros
158. The amazing community and fellowship within the Body of Christ (I really enjoyed attending Y.A.G tonight.)


Ronny grabbed my hand as we took a picture jumping on the trampoline at Pedros (my grandparents' house)...THEN...

While looking for a picture of me and my dad, I found a picture of Ronny and I jumping on a bed when we were little...holding hands. :P