The Freedom That Comes With Surrender

Batter my heart, three-personed God, for You

As yet but knock, breathe,  shine, and seek to mend.

That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend

Your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.

I, like an usurped town to another due,

Labor to admit You, but Oh! to no end.

Reason, Your viceroy in me, me should defend,

But is captivated, and proves weak or untrue.

Yet dearly I love You, and would be loved fain,

But am betrothed unto Your enemy;

Divorce me, untie or break that knot again;

Take me to You, imprison me, for I,

Except You enthrall me, never shall be free,

Nor ever chaste, except You ravish me.

- "Batter my heart, three-personed God, for You" by John Donne (1610)

I am simply amazed at how God just gives and gives. Especially when I truly don't deserve it. However, I cannot help but feel as though when we are faithful in giving Him our lives (and everything in them) and allowing Him to work within them, He will - and in ways even greater than we can imagine! Just when I thought He had blessed me with so much, HE QUADRUPLES IT! (CLICK HERE!)

& I won't lie. I struggled with selfishness and rationalizing and even bargaining with God. And like the poem above says, it hurt. However, I only felt as though the money was being painfully wrenched from me because my grasp on it had been so tight. Once I loosened my grasp and made sure greed did not take hold of me, it's amazing how easily I was able to lift it up with open arms to God. & I can trust that He will use it completely and utterly for HIS PURPOSES.

 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

What else can I say but: GOD IS SO GOOD!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!

Happy List Additions

- Piggy banks

- Post-its and tabs

All to Thee...

Yesterday was the big day. After weeks of practicing, preparing, and praying, it was time for the girls to do their worship dance in front of the entire school during a Cultural Talent Show. So many thoughts were racing through my mind, as the girls prepared to go up, nervousness evident in their faces...

"Lord God, may YOU be glorified through this. & Only You. All for You! "

I'm ashamed to say it, but I was truly scared. How would the entire student body take it? Would they be respectful and listen and watch? Or would they cat-call and ridicule? I don't know how I would take that, being so protective of my girls and the amazing message they would be sharing. Even scarier to me was thinking about the teacher's reactions. Would they be upset that God was being presented to their students, when countless rules prohibit it?

But it was amazing how God washed all my fears away. The girls were absolutely fantastic. & God worked through everything. The first thing people noticed was, "Wow, they're all matching!" One particular teacher, in seeing the uniformity in motions and in dress, even remarked, "You KNOW that's God." Oh, how that was my prayer! That people would see the worship dance and KNOW it was ALL for and through HIM! & How He had shown Himself through something as simple as a uniform - and how HE had been the One who had provided it (see previous post). & Just when I thought matching shirts were enough, God provided a way for me to purchase matching lava lava wraps for ALL of them! He provided more than enough! Unbelievable! God's provision is amazing. Truly amazing!

& Students AND teachers said afterward that they cried! Both said they were so touched by the message and the dance. A teacher even said, "You know, throughout all the other dances, kids were making fun and teachers kept criticizing, but when you guys went up, everyone was silent. Everyone watched. And no one said a word." Undeniably the Holy Spirit at work! & Amazing how through her simple remark, God calmed my specific fears.

The girls themselves were changed. They came up to me with tears in their eyes, saying, "Tabby, thank you for the shirts and lava lavas (wraps). We feel bad. Can we pay you back?" But I assured them that no, they have been such blessings to me, and I wanted to somehow bless them. I'll never forget the looks on their faces, which seemed to say, "Wow, you would do that? For me?" One girl in particular gave me a look that pierced deep into my soul. It was a look of such sheer thankfulness, my eyes became glassy. I learned later that she had been abandoned by both her parents, and constantly acted out. This made that look even more meaningful. Even as all the other girls had changed out of their costumes after the dance, she kept hers on the entire day and constantly smiled at me as she held it. Lord God, I am unworthy to feel the blessings of the entire experience!

& To top it all off, we prayed. YES! There, in the midst of an entirely assembly, within a public school, the girls asked me to pray for them as we held hands in a circle! Indeed, God was listening.

"Give unto the Lord, O you mighty ones, Give unto the Lord glory and strength. Give unto the Lord the glory due to His name; Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness." Psalm 29:1-2

Additions to the Happy List:

- The 17 girls of the first worship dance at F.B. Middle School

Great is Thy Faithfulness

"We give thanks to You, O God, we give thanks! For Your wondrous works declare that Your name is near." Psalm 75:1

Ever have those moments where you can't help but shout, "Hallelujah!"? Sometimes we just need those moments of divine providence that cause us to sing, shout, and dance in rejoicing. & After what transpired, I couldn't help but do all three in earnest.

The past couple of weeks have been quite difficult for me. With the added stress of intense midterm exams, I've just been emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted. It reminds me of a funny conversation I had with my mom in the car this week:

Mom: "Tab! Don't speed! There are reasons there are speed limits!"

Me: "Well, I need to get somewhere fast. & Everyone goes fast in the back road. That's why you take the back road!"

Mom: "Well, would you be speeding if Jesus were sitting in the passenger seat?!"

Me: (jokingly) "... Maybe we'd be having so much fun, He wouldn't even notice." 

Although I said it in jest, the truth is, that's where my problem was this week: God was in my passenger seat, watching as I sped through life in a blur to get where I wanted to go. And no, it wasn't fun. And I'm sure He noticed, just as much as He notices anything and everything that had, has, and ever will happen. However, that's precisely why I was so tired. I have to constantly remind myself to let God drive, and just sit in the passenger seat and enjoy the ride.

And yet He reveals himself sometimes in the simplest ways, to remind us that He is indeed there, waiting to be given back the wheel.

So I've been really excited, because every week, I've been teaching a worship dance to the song "I Will Worship" at the middle school where I help with the Bible Club. It has been such an amazing tool for ministry, as girls from all kinds of backgrounds have been participating and we were given the immense opportunity to present the worship dance to the entire school on Tuesday - which is quite a feat in itself, considering it is a public school and the ridiculously strict "separation of church and state" rules. And I was so touched by these girls, because they sacrifice every day of their lunch time to learn the dance, when they could easily be hanging out with friends or eating at the cafeteria. They have even been internalizing the words, as I hear them singing, "I will give You all my worship" even outside of practice! There is one particular girl who is known as a troublemaker, and the mere mention of her name makes teachers cringe. However, she openly said one day, "You know, I only go to school for practice." And my heart melted, as I saw a positive change in her.

So we were trying to figure out what "costume" the girls would wear, and most of the girls humbly admitted that they do not have very many clothes. I tried so badly to hide my sadness in front of them. It was then that I felt the Lord was prompting me to buy them matching t-shirts. I did want to bless them, because they had inspired and touched me so much, but at the same time I was trying to be realistic. "God, I'm only a student. I don't have a job. There are 18 of them in different sizes. I just don't have the money." Notice all the I's.  

While driving, my heart was burdened. I knew what I had to do, but I didn't know how I would do it. That morning at Bible Club, Rich shared about how with God, all things are possible. And that line kept resonating in my mind. I then recalled Pastor Gary's sermon that asked, "Do you live as though you have a BIG God?" And I wrestled with the thought all afternoon. 

And in an act that can only be explained through divine providence, I got a call from Bank of Guam telling me that I had won their commercial contest and the prize money was $500. I was absolutely in shock. I had done the commercial only because it was a required assignment for a class, and I didn't expect it at all to win, so much so that I actually deleted it from the computer. (If you saw how truly awful the commercial was, you'd KNOW it was only by God's miracle it won!) I couldn't help but sing, shout, and dance in utter praise and thanksgiving when I got home.

 There is no doubt in my mind that that money is to be used entirely and completely for what He was telling me to do: buy the girls shirts. I know He blessed me with it, so that I could bless the girls. Oh, where God guides, He truly provides! I was amazed at how God just completely lavishes His grace and provision when we are open to His purposes. He truly can do anything. And He WILL! I felt so sorry for doubting the greatness of my Lord, as I felt as though He was proving just how big He truly is. How often I forget that God has His hand in everything. And when He calls us to do something, we can have faith that He will provide a way - no matter how completely unexpected and despite how undeserving we are. And He does it all simply out of unconditional love.

So Praise God for His abounding grace! Praise God for His abundant provision! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Picture update:

Ronny in High School Musical 2

We are all so proud of our boy!

I have been so blessed by the Young Adult Group and Bible Seminar at Jesus Baptist Church

Wonderful Apple!

Girls' night watching a black-and-white 1940s romantic comedy. :]

OYYA (Older Youth Young Adult) Group

Homemaking and cooking lessons with Auntie Gwen

Purple mouth picture for the hospital room of a little girl suffering from chemotherapy (Michelle's idea)

Additions to the Happy List:
- Whipped cream
- Veggie Tales' Silly Songs with Larry